Going home. Those two little words can conjure up a maelstrom of emotions; joy, stress, regret, relief, nostalgia and dread. But when you live life as an expat, the very description of your existence implies that one day, sometime in the not-too-distant future, you’ll return to whence you came. You’ll pack your bags, kiss friends goodbye and say farewell to the country that’s become your new -albeit temporary- home. What will it be like? Will home still feel like home? How will it really feel to say “tot ziens”?     

“The first weeks, it was disappointing because everyone was just doing the same things they had been doing before”, says Dutch Master’s student Thomas Prevoo (Industrial Engineering & Innovation Sciences) about his return to Eindhoven in June 2013. Prevoo studied abroad in Singapore for six months and found that coming home was tougher than he expected. “I felt a little lonely because I had to get used to studying again, to living normal daily life. It was completely different in Singapore. When I wasn’t studying, I was meeting new people and doing new stuff.”

Former TU/e Master’s student Barbara García Miravete Quintana (Industrial Engineering & Innovation Sciences) from Mexico can relate. After three years in Eindhoven, she returned to her home country last September. “In some part, I was happy to come home. I wanted to see my mother and my friends. The first month was like a holiday. But then after that, I realized that things had changed also. Somehow you expect that everything will be the same when you come home. But people have moved on. Your friends have started a new life. It was hard for me. I just felt out of place.”

Ask anyone who’s repatriated for the first time and you’re bound to hear the same sentiment over and over. “It’s so boring. I don’t fit in. Life here is too easy. ” So, what’s going on? What is it about living abroad that makes you feel like home isn’t where your heart is anymore? Dr. Nan Sussman is a professor of psychology at City University of New York and an expert in expatriation and repatriation. She explains, “People who choose to live in another country have a high risk-taking tolerance. They get a thrill-seeking high when they live overseas. Even the most ordinary activity, like buying groceries, becomes an adventure. But when expats return, everything at home seems so mundane, boring, and easy.”

“Everything looked dull in Eindhoven”

Thomas Prevoo was only in Singapore for six months, but even a short period abroad can make you feel out of step with your home culture. “You start comparing everything to your life before”, he explains. “Eindhoven looked more like a small town to me. Everything looked dull compared to everything I had been doing in Singapore. It took me awhile to get back in the game again.”  

“Part of what makes repatriation difficult is that it’s unexpected. You think ‘I’m going home. It’s my language, my food, my culture’. But then you end up feeling disconnected, like you don’t fit in. You look for an explanation for why it’s so difficult”, explains Dr. Sussman, adding “For the vast majority, repatriation is more difficult than expatriation because when you go abroad, you’re prepared for everything to be different.”

Repatriates beware - the search for an answer to your distress can turn out to be life-altering. The unexpected alienation and stress of returning home can often lead to a misinterpretation of emotions, warns Dr. Sussman: “There’s a high percentage of people who quit their jobs. There’s also a fairly high divorce rate with returnees. They think ‘I’m unhappy. It must be my job. It must be my marriage.’”

This is where younger people (such as undergraduate students) might have one up on their older counterparts. Local expat psychologist Suzana Cvetković explains: “When you’re young, your identity isn’t completely formed and this can be helpful. You can assimilate more easily and you’re more willing to adapt yourself.” In other words, the transition of life abroad and the return back home might go more smoothly for a young person.

When it comes to repatriation, knowledge is power - simply knowing to expect some pitfalls upon your return home can help ameliorate the process. Researchers of repatriation estimate that re-adjustment to your home culture can take anywhere from a year to a year and a half. So, if you feel depressed/bored/frustrated or just plain sad for way longer than you ever imagined you would, take comfort in the fact that it’s totally normal.

“I really miss my bike”

Zhi Liu works for a Dutch company’s Shanghai office and explains that her experiences at TU/e have forever altered her outlook: “Sometimes I think, ‘If I was in Holland, things would be done in this way. But then I have to remember: it’s done differently here in China.” Even daily habits acquired in your new host country can leave a lingering impression when you return home. Quintana especially misses one Dutch custom: “I really miss my bike. Compared to Eindhoven, my city is really large. We don’t have the knowledge here to respect bikes. Now, I have to use a car or public transportation. I don’t feel that freedom anymore. In the Netherlands, I was more independent.”

“The crux of it is that you change while you’re overseas. You’re not aware of how much you’ve changed until you get home. You don’t fit in as well”, explains Dr. Sussman. For those of you who’ve been abroad for a long time now, here’s some food for thought: there’s even a sort of expat urban myth claiming that seven years abroad is the magic number. After that, your chances of adjusting to home are limited. (A sobering thought for yours truly who’s lived outside the USA now for 8 ½ years, ed.)

Many students and academics find that going abroad isn’t always a one-time thing. New chances for further study or career opportunities often keep people moving from place to place. So, what about moving on? Will it also be full of unexpected ordeals? Not really, says Dr. Sussman, because “people who go on multiple assignments tend to develop a global identity. They learn fairly quickly how to adjust in each place. Also, the new country will still offer thrills and challenges.”

But if your path is taking you home soon, don’t worry. Repatriation doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. Maybe the readjustment to home is as simple as maintaining a positive attitude and reflecting on all you’ve gained by exploring the globe. Thomas Prevoo’s Singapore stint has given him a new appreciation for his ‘Kikkerlandje’: “One of the best things about going abroad was getting a different perspective. After you’ve seen poverty in Asia, you know that life in the Netherlands isn’t bad at all. We’re open here, you can do what you want and our standard of living is very high. Life here is pretty good.”

Quintana offers a last bit of advice for the soon-to-be returnee, “I think there are two ways to handle it - you can take the things you learned there and use them to enhance your life or you can complain. But then you don’t enjoy the life you have.”