Number 8

Asparagus on the Fields: book a table now!

This is a golden oldie that follows me wherever I go. No matter where I work, I always receive this press release. No matter who you are or what you want, asparagus go with everything, the proprietors of this place must have thought to themselves.

Number 7

Europe’s largest LED screen in Leidschendam

LED screens don’t play a very prominent role in the lives of our students, nor does the town of Leidschendam. Therefore, the relevance of this press release is beyond me. This 650 square meters behemoth is supposed to enhance the visibility of shopping center The Wall. Just slightly too small to see from Eindhoven, unfortunately. Luckily, here on campus we have the - slightly smaller, but still not to be missed - LED screen in the Markthal. It was defective for a long time, but now it works again. Keep an eye on it for the latest news from Cursor, and more.

Number 6

Top Sales & Customer Service Awards

I’m looking at a Hollywood-style photo, placed above a press release about awards for best sales and customers service employees. The furthest thing from my mind when I think about prize worthy experiences, are those moments I’ve spent on the telephone talking to a customer service. Telecom and internet salesmen are the worst. I was talking to a young man on the phone a few months ago. He told me that it was time for me to switch to their fiber optic network, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to stream as fast as my neighbors. I wouldn’t want that, right? My neighbors are well into their seventies, don’t you worry. A sure frontrunner for the creativity award.

Number 5

Bedroom for sale

In the bizarre category: ‘Mrs. Depinois has put up her beautiful, 1920’s De Coene bedroom for sale.’ A double bed, bedside table, chair and a dresser. The advertisement includes pictures from a showroom in Flanders. Luckily, the press release is clear when it comes to the target group, to prevent any mishaps: “To Friends and Documentalists of the De Coene Furniture design Kortrijk 1900-1975.” They almost got it right.

Number 3

Dry January from IkPas and the Sober Baby from IkPas

This one made me smile for a moment: there probably are students who could benefit from this, a month without booze. Alright, the target group might be well chosen. But my guess is that the framing ‘sing up for an alcohol break and ‘improve your skin’ won’t really motivate the target group. But this just might do the trick: “We finally get to sleep together again, because the snoring has diminished significantly,” one happy participant says. The prospect of finding an attractive participant in your bed after that alcohol break might convince singles to take part.

A few weeks later, I receive an email about alcohol consumption among pregnant women and the importance of a sober baby. You see, that quote about sleeping together again came true, and an alcohol break turns out to be a bad contraceptive. What would be next? No doubt a self-help newsletter with the title ‘My Sober Baby.’

Number 2

Popularity of summer bulbs has increased

The first thing that came to my mind? Balding men in the sun holding a beer. Wrong. This is about flower bulbs that bloom in summer and their popularity in municipalities. ‘With their large quantities of nectar and pollen, these bulbs are perfectly in line with the ambitions of municipalities and landscapers to increase biodiversity in urban areas.’ I really started to get annoyed when I read that the sender of the mail, iBulb (the iPhone among flower bulbs perhaps?) tells you when to publish the press release. ‘The best time to publish this release is between February and May.’ I’ll be the judge of that, thank you very much. To me, the right time and place is today, in this column.

In joint 1st place:

GfK presents the E-bike monitor 2021

I open my mail and there it is: the GfK E-bike monitor. Really, do they have a monitor for this as well. Lord have mercy. This report cites the reasons people have for using an E-bike. Drum roll: it seems that more and more people buy an E-bike these days for their daily commute. And what’s more, they actually go out and bring it into practice. Who would have thought?

&

ZooParc and Dierenrijk winners of ‘Best day trip award’

Here’s a fun little fact: ZooParc and Dierenwijk are the winners of the ANWB best national day trip, for the second consecutive year. Don’t expect the Royal Dutch Touring Club to go out on a limb. The relevance of this press release, I guess, is the fact that Dierenrijk is just a bike ride away from TU/e. Gee, am I curious to find out who next year’s winners will be.