When my parents and I moved back from the Netherlands to Suriname, we initially relied on public transport. One day, my mother and I were on the bus. I couldn't stop staring at a lady with an incredibly beautiful dark skin. Being used to white crowds in the Netherlands, dark crowds in Suriname were new to me. My mother became a bit anxious and tried everything to distract me from looking at this lady, but nothing worked. Then came the moment my mother feared: I asked, "Mom, is that Calimero?" My mother, relieved that the lady hadn't heard of Calimero, quickly said no. I was quite disappointed because Calimero was one of my favorite TV characters at the time.

A few years later, my mother let me call the directory assistance service to request someone’s phone number. My Dutch accent was still very strong. After a long wait, I finally spoke to a lady who, after hearing my request, asked, "Are you blonde with blue eyes?" I replied, "No, I am brown with brown eyes." She responded, "What a pity!" and gave me the phone number, ending the conversation. To this day, the impact of her words has stayed with me. Her words "What a pity", felt as if a dagger had been plunged into my heart. My little girl pride in having the courage to make the call was instantly shattered by her careless words.

My words could have easily offended the lady on the bus and caused the situation to get out of hand. And the words of the lady on the phone could have easily triggered insecurity, inferiority, and even hatred. Fortunately, none of this happened.

Nowadays, we are so easily offended by the words or actions of others. Of course, there are people out there who aim to hurt others and who really cross the line. This should be dealt with in a zero-tolerance manner. However, I believe that the majority of remarks are made out of ignorance and sometimes maybe even out of clumsy-, but true-interest. Unfortunately, many recipients are quick to assume the worst and respond in ways that add to polarization.

Is it that we are under pressure to chase yet another goal or deadline, making us less aware of how we communicate with others? Or do we need to make others feel small to feel great about ourselves? Does a receiver of a message feel disrespected or not seen for who they are? Currently, we are well on our way to creating a global culture of being offended.

Let’s not lose sight of what really matters. Good relationships and an open mind are key to thriving societies. People who feel respected and seen are valuable assets in life, as they pass on constructive ways of building good and strong relationships.

To illustrate, I want to share a beautiful example of a conversation here at TU/e that could have gone wrong, but instead was the basis for a beautiful and empowering relationship. A while ago, a male colleague and I had a meeting. After talking for some time, the colleague stopped and said: "I need to say something. I have never sat across from a ‘Surinamese’ woman, and for some reason, it is standing in the way of our conversation." I didn’t expect this and was quite overwhelmed, as was my colleague. Then we put business aside and talked about this. We had a very interesting conversation, which touched upon our different backgrounds, upbringing, assumptions, and more. We respect and appreciate each other to this day and have a good relationship because of the way we handled this situation. We both exercised curiosity, openness, vulnerability, and tolerance during this rich conversation. I am truly grateful for both of us taking responsibility for nurturing the relationship.

How beautiful is it when we bring humanity into everything we do and take responsibility to build rather than break relationships?

Monique Bruining is Managing Director ICMS. The views expressed in this column are her own.