How can I survive this article?

Alain (27): Is it me, or at our age are we just too boring to talk about this?
Britte (28): Yes, that's just you. 27 isn't boring at all, but if anyone has bought a one-way ticket to domestic bliss, you have.
A: Well, it won't be long before your boat to domesticity sails either.
B: I am still in the denial phase, Alain (...) Your boat couldn't set off quickly enough. After eight years in a relationship you are a real expert when it comes to slow-burning student romance! A real homebody!
A: No way am I any kind of expert after an eight-year relationship. I don't know what I would do if I was ever dumped. At a conference party once, a guy wanted me to be his wingman, but I waddled around after him like a clueless penguin with a pair of ‘happy feet’.
B: So, what you should do is request Angels by Robbie Williams, and do a ‘Have you met Ted?’.
A: And then dance at two arm's lengths from each other, like in your first year of high school?
B: Exactly, and then put your tongues down each other's throats, right there on the dance floor. Really embarrassing.
A: Dear reader, it turns out we are experts in adolescent love.

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