When home is where your heart is
What do university students, soldiers and a 12-year old at summer camp all have in common? They are all at risk for experiencing homesickness - a melancholy sense of nostalgia that can overtake anyone when they’re far from home. For students like Industrial Design undergraduate Lorenzo Giunta, 21, homesickness is something that’s become almost an integral part of his daily life: “I really hate living in the Netherlands. Mostly, I miss my family but I also miss Italian food and our sense of community.”
For some, the idea of being homesick may seem rather childish. Isn’t that something we only feel when we’re very young and missing mama and papa? While it’s true that our first taste of homesickness often occurs in childhood - a sleepover at a friend’s house or a vacation in an unfamiliar place - many adults also experience it and, for some, it can have a profound effect on their contentment, and even health.
Homesickness isn’t a modern concept. Literary references go back as far as Homer’s Odyssey, but the modern term - heimweh (heim for home + weh for pain) - was coined in German in the 17th century to describe the feelings of Swiss mercenaries who longed for their homeland while fighting elsewhere in Europe. Much in demand for their skills and bravery, it was said that they were banned from singing Swiss songs on the basis that nostalgia would overwhelm them, leaving them useless.
Missing home at TU/e
In the centuries since the Swiss gave us the term, globalization has given us cause to use it more often. Gone are the days when the majority of us live and die in the same hometown. It’s increasingly common to spend our childhood in multiple places, jet off to study in another country and move again and again as we build our careers. Such a globetrotting life can be exciting but it does have its drawbacks says Emilija Lazdanaitė (21), an undergraduate studying Electrical Engineering, “When I first arrived in the Netherlands, I wasn’t happy about not participating in the life going on at home. I was missing my friends and missing the community that we create in Lithuania. And I felt like I was betraying my heritage. Lithuania is so small. I felt like I was taking away from what the country could be by leaving it.”
Emilija is a member of Cosmos, TU/e’s international student association. The group regularly organizes student potluck dinners, like they did on Friday, 25 September. When you’re an international student and far from home, gatherings like this aren’t just about hanging out with some friends on a Friday night. They can also be a way to alleviate the occasional bouts of homesickness that flow in and out of their lives, explains Giunta. “I like these events because I like to cook. And it’s always nice to chat with different people and exchange information about where to find certain products (from home, ed.). You build a community and feel like you’re not alone.”
Anqi Li (27), is a master’s student in the Industrial Design Department. She was born in China but her family moved to Germany when she was nine years old. She also attended Friday’s potluck dinner and said her occasional longings for home swing back and forth between two countries: “Depending on the season or the people I’m with, I can feel more homesick for China than for Germany. Right now, it’s the mid-Autumn festival in China and it’s the time for eating moon cakes.” She then quickly adds with a smile, “Oh but I didn’t make those for tonight. They’re WAY too hard to make.”
Homesickness can actually make you sick
In the late 90s, Dutch researcher Miranda van Tilburg conducted one of the few studies ever done on homesickness with 231 Dutch women and discovered that it can, indeed, impact the health of those who experience it. According to her paper on the topic, ‘Adults also seemed to be at risk of developing mental (in particular depression) and physical diseases including diabetes mellitus and other such immune related disorders after a move. Homesick persons feel miserable and depressed. They are apathetic and listless. Various minor and major pains and aches are felt, mostly stomach and intestinal complaints, appetite loss, sleep disturbances, crying, and headaches’.
Eindhoven-based psychologist Paul Post says those longings could hinder students in their academic lives: “It will undermine your thoughts. You can’t concentrate. You can’t focus, you’re less capable to socialize, because your thoughts will often be elsewhere. And it can undermine your health physically: fatigue, mood swings, a worse immune system, and so on.”
According to a CNN article on the topic, Josh Klapow, a clinical psychologist and associate professor at the University of Alabama’s School of Public Health, explains that homesickness actually isn’t really about home: “It stems from our instinctive need for love, protection and security - feelings and qualities usually associated with home. When these qualities aren’t present in a new environment, we begin to long for them - and hence home.”
So, what’s the best way to cope with these longings? How do we fulfill our needs for love, protection and security when we’re far away? Therapist Paul Post is an advocate of using different forms of social media as a way to stay connected with home. “Not only for serious conversations at regular times (via Skype, for example, with your parents), but also on a daily basis - by texting, for example, that you’ve been to fitness class and that it was nice to be there. The small talk, chit chat. But I have one important remark: your time on social media has to be in balance with the real time spent in the new environment.”
"We're all homesick at Cosmos"
Petar Stoykov (26) of Bulgaria (Department of Mathematics and Computer Science) has only been here for one month but says he knows one thing that will help him cope if and when homesickness hits, “It’s too early for me to get homesick but I know how it will feel if I do. I spent time in the US and there I missed my language. But at TU/e, I have other Bulgarians that I can talk to. That will help.”
Anqi Li thinks you shouldn’t only hang out with other international students if you really want to combat your heimweh: “Go hang out with the locals. Adapt as much as you can. Go make Dutch friends! That helped me. They take you in.”
And Emilija Lazdanaitė offers both philosophical and practical advice for dealing with homesickness: “I think you have to live through it instead of ignoring it. And you have to realize that the place you’re in is temporary. Your life is an experience and nothing is final. And if you want to be sad, come be sad with us! We’re all homesick at Cosmos!”
Discussion