“I felt very homesick. This is my first time living away from my family and my own country. Everything was so different…” Fadoua Ameziane is an 18-year-old student in Software Science. She arrived in the Netherlands in September 2013 from her native Morocco and she’s learning (and sometimes struggling with) how to adapt to life in a new country.

She’s not alone. TU/e attracts students and educators from every corner of the globe - 18% of students and 30% of the staff come from outside the Netherlands. And every one of those students and employees was at one time new to life in Holland - and subject to one of life’s greatest stressors; emigration and adaption to a new culture.

“It depends on a person’s personality but everyone will feel some level of culture shock when they move to a new country”, explains local expat psychologist Suzana Cvetković, “and for students it can be even more difficult. For some, it’ll be the first time they’ve ever lived without their parents. They can feel completely lost. They’re changing their way of life and changing their culture.”

What exactly happens when you enter a new culture? What is culture shock and is there anything you can do to better withstand this process?

Luckily, there is. And it begins with knowing what to expect. Here’s a guide to the highs and lows you might experience during your first year in the Lowlands.

According to experts like Cvetković, assimilating into a new culture is generally divided into four distinct phases:

Honeymoon

“I felt happy. It was summer so the weather was awesome. I was really surprised at how friendly and open the Dutch students were”, remembers Mexican student Alberto Perez Martinez from the Department of the Built Environment about his first weeks in the Netherlands. PhD student Kateryna Filippovych, Department of Applied Physics, from Kiev, Ukraine, echoes Martinez’s experience, “It was like a honeymoon! Holland was a nice difference. I was excited about my group and I was very satisfied with my project.”

Ahhh… the honeymoon phase. When life is grand, you’re in love with your new home and the reality of being married to it for the next few years hasn’t hit you yet. This first phase of cultural adaptation usually lasts three months and is marked by intense curiosity about the new country’s way of life. It’s like being a tourist and you want to see, do and experience everything. You’re also incredibly charmed by almost every aspect of your new host country’s lifestyle, no matter how vastly different it may be from your own.

But then…

Crisis/Culture Shock!

“At the beginning, I wasn’t used to the directness of the Dutch. I thought it was a little bit harsh”, relates Luo Jun (28, Department of Electrical Engineering) from China. Fadoua Ameziane (Mathematics and Computer Science)  was put off by other aspects of Dutch culture: “I thought Carnaval was annoying because the next day, the city was so dirty. There were cans and bottles everywhere. Also, when somebody asks you to eat dinner with them, they ask you to pay for their groceries afterwards.”

Although the above examples might be Holland-specific, any new culture will induce feelings of discomfort, irritation and, possibly, even downright hatred. In this most-discussed phase of adaptation -culture shock- the new immigrant intensely focuses on the differences between their own culture and the host country’s culture. And count yourself lucky if you only feel annoyed. This phase can plunge some newcomers into depression. Why is this phase so difficult? Homesickness plays a part but there’s more going on.

“Don’t blame yourself”

“Spending time in a different culture leads to culture shock because it influences how we perceive ourselves, others, and the world”, says Cvetković, continuing “We learn that ideas, beliefs, values, norms and customs can be different and that there isn’t only one way of seeing things. This is what shakes you in the roots. You find yourself not belonging anymore completely to the culture you’re from but you will also never completely belong to the new culture. That feeling of not belonging anywhere… makes you feel lost and disoriented.”

Willem van Hoorn, TU/e’s advisor for internationalization, explains further: “Culture shock can induce some students and staff with feelings of inadequacy. My advice to new arrivals is always, ‘don’t blame yourself. This is a normal reaction and it helps to share your experiences and realize that you’re not alone.’”

While this phase also lasts roughly three months, according to Cvetković, some people may fight adapting to the new culture and prolong the process. If phrases like ‘This is only temporary and I’m going home in the near future’, are part of your internal dialogue, then beware. You may be setting yourself up for getting stuck in culture shock. Personality differences play a part in how quickly you adapt. Cvetković explains, “People who tend to be more closed will have a more difficult time with adapting. If you’re open to new ideas and new experiences, you will adjust faster.”

Adjustment/Recovery from Culture Shock

But don’t despair! There’s hope for you yet! This phase of cultural adaptation is all about finding your way in the host country. You learn to cope with any difficulties and differences presented by your new home, you make friends and, slowly but surely, you settle in. In fact, some of those differences might even jibe with your own personal characteristics.

Filippovych has found that some quintessential Dutch quirks fit her perfectly, “Many people don’t like how scheduled the Dutch are but I did that before I came here. I even tried to schedule visits with my friends back home for April and they said ‘But it’s too early to schedule things!’”

Cvetković says taking personal responsibility is essential to reaching this phase. “As long as you blame it on the weather, the culture of the host country and other external factors, you stay stuck. You need to look at what YOU can change. In the end, you don’t really have a choice, do you? You have to function.”

Biculturalism/Mastery

For most people, it’ll take one year to adjust to a new culture and at least two years to achieve this final phase of cultural assimilation. This is when you feel truly at home in your host country and, in fact, you can now combine and blend aspects of your own culture with traits of the new. In short, you become a new person.

“I now appreciate the Dutch directness”

After three years, Luo Jun has found a new respect for some Dutch cultural norms: “Now, I appreciate how direct the Dutch are. It makes things easier and quicker, especially at work when you need to have immediate feedback. I’m more direct now, too. When I go home to China, I have to remember to change and return to a more indirect way of communicating.”

Fadoua Ameziane is getting there too. “You can say I’ve settled in. You know you’re settling when you don't feel like a stranger anymore, when you start calling your new house ‘home’.”

Carving out your place in a new culture can be daunting. But with a little positivity and perseverance, it can also be an incredibly exhilarating and even freeing process, says Cvetković. “When you’re open to a new culture, you understand yourself better because you have to question everything you ever believed in. Embrace it as a very valuable period of your life. Only when you leave your comfort zone can you change.”

Getting Unstuck

Want some help settling in? Here’s some advice to get you started:

-Learn some Dutch. You may tell yourself that it’s not necessary but learning the language of your host country is one of the easiest paths to feeling like you belong.

-Don’t isolate yourself. When you’re feeling down, it’s normal to keep to yourself. However, building a social life in your new country is essential to fighting culture shock. Here are some options for getting out there:

● Cosmos association - TU/e’s international student association

● The common room in MetaForum - the space for Cosmos’ activities. It’s a place for international staff and students to meet.

● The Hub Eindhoven for Expats - though not a part of the campus, this is a great place to meet other foreigners:

-Don’t do it alone. If you’re really struggling, you may want to talk to a peer. Just talking about your feelings could help set you on the right path.

-Stay solution-oriented instead of problem-oriented. It’s easy to focus on the negative when you go abroad but try to look at any difficulties you encounter as challenges, rather than problems.